Secrets of A Successful Relationship

Maintaining a good relationship requires both partners to constantly work on it. Trials and shortcomings are part of the relationship and overcoming these help strengthen the relationship's foundation. But there are a lot of couples out there who wants to know the secrets of a successful relationship. And here are the tips I found on the internet.

The FIRST secret - the power of THOUGHT
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Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships. Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about others and ourselves. If we want to love someone, we need to consider his or her needs and desires. Thinking about your ideal partner will help you recognize her when you meet her.

The SECOND secret - the power of RESPECT
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You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first Respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect, ask yourself, What do I respect about myself?
To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself, What do I respect about them?

The THIRD secret - the power of GIVING
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If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To Love is to give of yourself, freely and unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. Before committing to a relationship, ask not what the other person will be able to give to you, but rather what will you be able to give them. The secret formula of a happy, lifelong, loving relationship is to always focus on what you can give instead of what you can take.

The FOURTH secret - the power of FRIENDSHIP
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To find a true love, you must first find a true friend. Love does not consist of gazing into each other's eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction. To love someone completely you must love him or her for who they are and not for what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.

The FIFTH secret - the power of TOUCH
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Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.

The SIXTH secret - the power of LETTING GO
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If you love something, let it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was. Even in a loving relationship, people need their own space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances. Love means letting go of our fears, prejudices, egos and conditions. Today I let go of all my fears, the past has no power over me - today is the beginning of a new life.

The SEVENTH secret - the power of COMMUNICATION
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When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic words: " I Love You." Never let an opportunity pass to praise someone. Always leave someone you love with a loving word - it could be the last time you see him or her. If you were about to die but could make telephone calls to the
people you loved, who would you call, what would you say and why are you waiting?

The EIGHTH secret - the power of COMMITMENT
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If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it, and that commitment will be reflected in your thoughts and actions. Commitment is the TRUE test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone or something, quitting is never an option. Commitment distinguishes a fragile relationship from a strong one.

The NINTH secret - the power of PASSION
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Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone; it comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement. Passion can be re-created by re-creating past experiences. When you felt passionate spontaneity and surprises produce passion. The essence of love and happiness are the same; all we need to do is to live each day with passion.

The TENTH secret - the power of TRUST
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Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Without it one person becomes suspicious, anxious and fearful and the other person feels trapped and emotionally suffocated. You cannot love someone completely unless you can trust him or her completely. Act as if your relationship with the person you love will never end. One of the ways you can tell whether a person is right for you is to ask yourself, Do I trust them completely and unreservedly? If the answer is no -, think carefully before making a commitment.


*Credit to Suzette Gin of Multiply.

The Caveman Response...

As a woman, I myself don't understand how men thinks. There are times that when we get into arguments with our partner, our boo will suddenly tell us they wanted space or perhaps they wanted some cool time off and worst is, they'll left you hanging then comes back. Of course for us, it's irritating, annoying and disrespectful for them to do it because we think we deserve an explanation. And if there are problems, we want to talk about it. But some guys just don't want that, they don't feel comfortable with confrontations. And so consciously or not, they withdraw.

Then they'll go to their cave to reflect. And I'm not referring literally to the cave, it's just a figure of speech. It's like they wanted to have time for themselves, do the things they want, be with their friends and just have some time to think things alone. It's their coping mechanism, I think if that's the appropriate word for that.

And if we keep on pushing in, forcing them to understand us, to talk things out and just ran after them, the more they'll keep their distance from us. The longer that they'll retreat. But if we understand this trait of them, the shorter they will be in their caves, the shorter they'll have time to think and most likely they'll appreciate the space you gave them and comes back to you.

Of course it is annoying if they do that. Come back to us like nothing happened. We deserve an explanation and what happens is, we confront them. And it may lead to another argument. The result is, either they won't come back the next time they cave in or they won't cave in because of fear that they'll be confronted again and worst is, if they don't have time to go to their caves...they tend to keep their emotions, concerns, frets and worries and there will come a time that they will just explode.

Hmm...it's easy to understand that but I know it's hard to do that. Therefore, "Patience is a virtue". Thanks to various books available to help us understand how men thinks.

Rebound Relationships

Have you been in a rebound relationship?

A rebound relationship occurs shortly after a break-up of a significant love relationship. It's usually preceded by a long term relationship. It can even occur during your significant love relationship when you tend to emotionally distant yourself away from your partner.

Rebounding is masking your pain from the current break up by engaging in a relationship expecting that your new partner will help you heal the pain you are feeling, or expecting that the current one will make up for the lost love you once had.

It's purpose is a distraction. Keeping your focus away from your past love and giving your attention to your new partner to help you forget the former. It's a misguided attempt to move on. You are faking your emotions and may hurt the other person in the long run. This can be a lot more fun than dealing with your broken heart. A person may or not be aware that he/she is rebounding. Often times, they're on denial.


*Photo Credit to ~LadybirdM of Deviantart.

Avoiding 7 Year Itch...

I think it's normal for every long term relationship to feel boredom or dissatisfaction within the years since you get accustomed with each other. And so I was browsing online and was searching for ways to avoid this 7 year itch.

There are seven ways to combat this according to Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz of selfgrowth.com.

1. Understand that infatuation with another person and the temptation to betray the trust of the one you love is a perfectly normal feeling when it comes to love and marriage. Getting hitched to another person doesn’t make you less human. It does, in many ways, make you more human – more in touch with your feelings and emotions. Accept the feelings.
2. Do not under any circumstances act on those infatuation and temptation impulses until you have taken the time to fully think through the consequences if you make that choice. Cheating on your spouse or loved one can be and often is deadly to your relationship. Rebuilding trust is nearly impossible after committing such an indiscretion.
3. Recognize that continuing and recurring fantasies and infatuations about another person is a strong indicator of something amiss in your relationship with your spouse or lover. These feelings are often associated with a deep-seated problem in your relationship that must be addressed before it is too late.
4. The “turn the corner rule” as we like to refer to it—is to address the issue head-on with your loving partner. Failure to do so will doom your relationship to the ash-heap of lost love. There is pain to be sure when you address the issues that are destroying your loving relationship, but to not do so will be even more painful, we guarantee it!
5. You and your lover may discover in rule 4 that love is tough. It is sometimes unforgiving. Frankly, sometimes you determine that your loving relationship is lost. But more likely, you discover that you truly love your spouse and that you cannot imagine life without them. You find out what so many before have discovered – you love your mate so much you cannot under any circumstances let them go. You must save this relationship by committing to the hard work it will take to rebuild the love.
6. Seek help! Find some neutral party to talk to. Sometimes couples turn to a marriage counselor. Others turn to “self-help” websites. Truth is, much of what you need to learn can be self-taught. You can learn to do what you have to do to make your relationship work by reading what others, including us, have discovered. Being educators at heart, we especially like the latter. More often than not, you can learn so much about yourself and your loving relationship by “discovering” what others have already learned!
7. Sometimes we have to “fish or cut bait.” The reality is that some marriages and loving relationships cannot be saved. They are doomed. They must end to the mutual benefit of both and to the many that are affected by the relationship. It is time to move on. But in the end, an examination of your relationship will hopefully reveal that your relationship is worth saving. More often than not, it can be saved. You should always work towards that end if you are to avoid the Seven-Year Itch.

Credits to: Self Growth

7 Year Itch...

I heard these words several times back then, but now I realized that it's true to some. Several people have told me that there is that thing called the 7 year itch...as based on their experience, other people's experience and according to a research conducted by psychologists which can be found on the web.

But what exactly is this 7 year itch?

In relationships they say, that at the first few years of the relationship is the honeymoon stage. We can overlook our partner's weaknesses and imperfections but at the 7th year of the relationship, one gets tired of their mate. Probably due to boredom or dissatisfaction.

A friend of mine once said that if a couple undergoes the 7 year itch, it's considered to be the judgment stage whether or not to continue the relationship. Another friend of mine shared that every seven years of our life, there are major changes that will happen including in the relationships.

It's scary to think about it. But can we avoid this 7 year itch thing?

Does anyone of you experience this itch? Tell me more about it...


*Photo credit to HIME3181 of Deviantart.